Neswpapers

The Demographics of American Newspapers:
1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.

4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.

5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country -- if they could find the time -- and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.

6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.

7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.

8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.

10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country . . . or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped, minority, feminist, atheists who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy, provided of course, that they are not Republicans.

11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.

12. The Pensacola News Journal is read by people who have recently caught a fish and need something in which to wrap it.

Then there is my paper the Gazette: It is too stiff to wipe my tail on, to small for a small dog to piss on, all its news is taken off the UPI and the only reason I subscribe to it is to find the local store specials, the funnies and the Obits. If i'm not in the Obits, I read the funnies and my wife checks the local store specials and then we trash it.

Author Unknown

The Kalamazoo Gazette my local paper. I don't subscribe to it because; what is not local news is taken off the UPI. The sports are half hearted. There is hardly any Detroit professional teams or any other professional sports, little if not for University of Michigan or Michigan State. Business news, just as much of a joke as the sports section, a very limited selection of stock and mutual fund results. Just another newspaper headed for the same business health of the New York Times and the Los Angles Times. Losing significant numbers of readership that puts out their opinion, while disregarding their readerships opinion.